Tanaka Goes Camping
by LordExplosionMurderr
Summary: How will a camping trip go with the laziest boy in the world?


"We're here!" Oota exclaims excitedly. Tanaka faintly hears the words echo in his dream. The ballet dancer in a pink gown and matching hair bow twirling in his mind suddenly has Oota's face. It's enough to snap even Tanaka out of his nap. Oota shakes him enthusiastically. "We're here!"

"I sort of heard you the first time," Tanaka says lazily. He peers out the window of Oota's mom's car without lifting his head from it. There it is. The patch of dirt that's going to be their home for the next day and night.

Tanaka wonders again how he got dragged into camping. He doesn't have the energy to muster up a flashback. His eyes start to close again when the door he's leaning on opens. He allows himself to slump against his seat belt, hanging three quarters of the way out of the car.

Oota is already carrying a bunch of stuff out into the campsite. "Come on, Tanaka!"

As much as he doesn't want to, Tanaka gets out of the car. In the time he takes to carry his bag into the campsite, Oota unloads the firewood, the food cooler, the tent box, the sleeping bags, and literally everything else they brought. Tanaka almost expects him to unload his own mom. But she just says "Have fun!" and drives off.

Oota shoves a tent pole into Tanaka's hand. "This is where the fun begins, Tanaka."

Tanaka stares at Oota for a good three minutes as he works on setting up the tent. He grabs the pole back from Tanaka's hand.

"You are mistaken Oota." Tanaka holds his sleeping bag ready, watching the last tent support go in the ground and the last string get tied. Then he drops his sleeping bag inside the tent, followed a second later by his own sleepy body. "_Now _the fun starts." He barely feels himself being lifted back out. He's already half-asleep.

"No, Tanaka," Oota says, placing Tanaka on his feet and holding him upright until he starts standing on his own. "You have to experience all the wonders of camping, not just the sleeping part."

"I only came here for one reason, Oota." Tanaka gathers up every last drop of energy he can find and tries his very hardest to conjure up the previously mentioned flashback.

_**FLASHBACK**_

...tired...Oota saying words...so tired... "...and you get to sleep in..."

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"So you see, I heard the phrase 'sleep in' and I agreed," Tanaka says. He rubs his hands together very slowly. "Now when do we start."

Oota doesn't bother to mention that what he said was not 'sleep in' but 'sleep in a tent', and realizes Tanaka's flashbacks are usually inaccurate. "We start sleeping tonight, Tanaka."

If Tanaka was capable of a shocked expression, he'd be making it right now. Instead, in a flat voice, he says, "You've got to be kidding me. I usually take at least..." He counts on his fingers, as slow as a sloth. "...a lot of naps before lunch and..." Resume finger counting. "...just as many after."

"I know," Oota says. "But just try to enjoy the rest of camping."

Tanaka sighs. "Okay. I'll try."

"First, a hike!" Oota exclaims.

Dread smacks into Tanaka like a missile. "Must we start with something so hard? That's practically an extreme sport."

"It's just walking, Tanaka," Oota tells him. "You walk to school everyday."

Tanaka lets out another long, dragged-out sigh. "I suppose I can manage.

He doesn't manage. By the middle of their hike, Tanaka is hobbling like an old man several feet behind Oota. Eventually, Oota goes back for him and swings him up over his shoulder. "I realize now that this may have been too much to ask of you," he says. "But thanks for trying, Tanaka."

Tanaka makes an 'mmhmm' noise, or it could've just been a snore.

After a lunch of peanut butter and jelly, they head down to the lake and rent a canoe. Oota points to a rack of life vests. "You should put one on."

Tanaka looks at the orange monster with all the straps and clips and buckles. "That looks too complex for my simple hands," he says, his hands held out, limp, in front of him.

"But Tanaka, you can't swim. What if you fall out of the canoe or it tips over."

"I place my trust in you, Oota, that you won't let that happen, and that you'll save me if it does."

"I accept the burden of this responsibility," Oota says.

Oota makes sure Tanaka is securely inside the canoe before pushing off the dock and paddling out to the middle of the lake. There they sit, or lay, in Tanaka's case, and enjoy nature. Oota observes the peaceful water surrounded by green forest. "Nice scenery."

"It sure is," Tanaka agrees.

"Tanaka. Your eyes are closed."

"That's my favorite scene," Tanaka says with a yawn.

Oota paddles around a bit. When they near the reeds, a goose shoots out and smacks him in the face, startling him into tipping the canoe.

Tanaka gets a rude awakening. _Is there any other kind,_ he thinks. "Oota, help," he says, pathetically struggling in the water. "I can't swim."

With Tanaka in hand, Oota flips the canoe back up and manages to climb in. A dripping wet Tanaka sinks to the floor and tries to recover. "My life flashed before my eyes."

"You should've wore a life vest," Oota points out, imagining what Tanaka's life flashing before his eyes must look like. He decides it would be better described as a long, slow marathon dragging before his eyes.

"I don't know about you Oota, but I'm ready to sl-"

"Don't say sleep."

"N-"

"Ah ah! Don't say nap either."

"Relax?" Tanaka says tentatively.

"That's what we're doing," Oota tells him.

"This is the opposite of relaxing." Tanaka peeks up over the edge of the canoe. "I'm surrounded by my death, waiting to drag me under at any moment."

"You should've wore a life vest."

"I have no faith in the life vest," Tanaka says. "The life vest won't put me back in the boat. It will keep me trapped and helpless in the water, and then I might have to try to swim or something."

Oota shakes his head and paddles back to shore.

Back at camp, Oota builds a fire and Tanaka pretends to help. They each put a hot dog on a stick and hold it over the fire.

"I'm gonna have two more after this one," Oota says, cooking his hot dog to perfection.

"I think I'll just have this one," Tanaka says. "Oh. It fell off." He stares dejectedly as all his 'hard' work burns and shrivels in the fire.

Oota takes Tanaka's stick and shoves a hot dog on more firmly. "Here. Try again."

Tanaka starts the cooking process over. He doesn't hold it close enough to the fire or turn it, so he's still at it even after Oota's done all three of his. After dinner's finally over, they go to the campground bathhouse to get showers.

"What a pain," Tanaka complains, standing outside one of the tiny shower stalls. "I was in the lake. Isn't that good enough?"

"No, Tanaka, you smell like lake." Oota gives Tanaka an encouraging push that nearly knocks him over. "In you go." They start showering.

"Oota, this is an absolute nightmare," Tanaka says.

"Is the water too cold?"

"No."

"Bugs?"

"No."

"Spill all your shampoo?"

"No. I have to hold the button down to keep the water on," Tanaka says. "My arm's tired."

"Tanaka. We've been in here for thirty seconds," Oota says.

"Can you come hold the button down for me?"

"No. That's where I draw the line."

Tanaka ends up finishing his shower first, probably because he gave up, and goes to brush his teeth. Oota comes out to find Tanaka slumped over into the sink, asleep, his hand pushing the faucet on. Water runs over his hair.

"I never thought you'd be so desperate for continuously running water," Oota says. He scoops Tanaka up and returns to their campsite.

They sit around the campfire. the only thing lighting up the dark night time woods. "Time for scary stories!" Oota says.

"All right." Tanaka yawns. "Go ahead."

"Okay, here goes," Oota begins. "One night there was a group of friends walking home through a bog. One by one, they began to disappear without a trace. Eventually there were only two of them left. One saw his friend get sucked down into the bog right in front of his eyes! So he ran. He ran for his life, but something rose up out of the mud right in his path! It was huge and slimy with algae for hair and smelly bubbles for eyes. it was the... CREATURE OF THE BOG!" Oota jumps out of his chair with his hands raised like claws.

Tanaka snores softly, his head flopped backwards over his seat.

"Tanaka, it's supposed to be a scary story, not a bedtime story." Oota shrugs and carries his sleeping friend into the tent. He tucks Tanaka in and then gets into his own sleeping bag. After a long but fun day of looking after Tanaka on their first camping trip, Oota falls right to sleep.

* * *

Tanaka finds himself awake not long after being brought into the tent. He notices the bugs are really loud, as if they're sitting inside his ears. Whippoorwills sing "WHIP-poorwill WHIP-poorwill" nonstop. Leaves rustle. Something move in the woods.

"Oota," Tanaka says quietly. He says it nine times before Oota wakes up.

"Hmm? What is it, Tanaka?"

"I can't sleep."

Oota snaps up to a sitting position in 0.7 seconds. "Get up. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No, I'm fine," Tanaka reassures him un-reassuringly. "It's just really noisy."

There's more loud rustling in the woods. "It's the creature of the bog," Tanaka whispers.

"So you _were_ listening to the story," Oota says.

"It's gonna suck me down under the mud." Tanaka's holding his blanket up to his face. "I wonder if it's comfy to sleep under a bog."

"Don't say things like that, Tanaka," Oota tells him. "We're not even in a bog. And the creature isn't real."

"You rushed that last part as if you don't believe it," Tanaka says.

"No I didn't," Oota replies. "I can't believe I have to say this, but go to sleep."

"Okay." Tanaka doesn't sleep all night. The next day proves to be the first triple-listless day in Tanaka history. He resolves to make up for the sleepless night by sleeping 23 hours and 55 minutes every day for the rest of his life. Oota's there to make sure that doesn't actually happen.


End file.
